so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
