Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My ATM looks so different sober.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize