i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize