Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
