she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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