I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
from now on my penis is your penis
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
