omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
