tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize