The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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