So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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