But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i now understand why vodka
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
