you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
