I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
