epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
