I'm so fucking centered right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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