she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
