you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My liver just had a heart attack.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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