I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
