i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
