I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
