all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
