Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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