we're making bets on your personal life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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