from now on my penis is your penis
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's a naked man in my car right now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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