Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
