I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize