I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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