Your dad touched me again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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