hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
