i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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