That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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