What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm getting married
To pizza
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
