ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
