you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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