If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize