I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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