I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
