Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
