who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
