Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
