I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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