the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
