Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
