I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
