I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
