I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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