I wish I could punch you in the face.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
