I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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