i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
