what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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