the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
