She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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