Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
