and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
