I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
