nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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