life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
