he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
