They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
