I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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