last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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