He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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