PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
