Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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