Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
