She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
