Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
