So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
