At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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