I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
