So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize