Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
