He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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