I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
