so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
