youre lurking in front of me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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