thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
