girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
