2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
