I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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