Tell her she can't have a vagina
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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