I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
