Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize